The Path of the Poisoned Forest
by GolumTR
Summary: And it starts. Deus ex Machina, Drugging the charichters and other dirty tricks all in the first three paragraphs. Forgive me my readers.
1. Kagome's Path

"Why did I come here?" Kagome asked herself.

"I feel weird," she announced to nobody in particular.

The forest was filling with a deadly miasma, and it was starting to affect her. She had been walking in a spiral for about an hour, at first because Naraku was bribed an old tree demon to separate Kagome, Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango, and Shippo, but now the miasma would take care of any ability to find the path.

She probably would have died right there, if she had walked right into the Old Tree Demon right there. Even if she was thinking straight, she probably couldn't tell it from any other gnarled willow, if Sesshoumaru wasn't talking to it.

"Regardless of what happened, this forest is my forest, and you do not have my permission to let loose anything upon it," said Sesshoumaru who then removes Tokijin from his belt and slashes.

This would not have been a significant fact, if Kagome hadn't been right behind the tree. She wasn't as really hurt as much her dying brain told her she was brain told her she was, but does that really matter? She shouts, jumps around, and then collapses.

"Lord Sesshoumaru?" Rin said.

Sesshoumaru had not smelt Rin walk up because of all the poison in the air. Now both of his retainers were being poisoned, his brother's wench had collapsed in front of them, and an old ally had tried to betray him. Sesshoumaru did not worry. There was no problem in this situation that he could not solve with his Tenseiga.

"I told you not to come." Sesshoumaru said without turning.

"Ah Un fell down. I don't think I can walk anymore. Who's that?" Rin asked in rapid succession.

Sesshoumaru didn't say anything. He merely lifted the collapsed schoolgirl with his right (only) hand, and slung her over the remains of his left shoulder. He then lifted Rin and started walking out. Jaken, still holding his breath, chases after him.

Kagome wakes up in a hilly field. She looks around and sees Rin and Jaken. She didn't know who the little girl was, but she recognized Sesshoumaru's servant. She picks up and shakes the sleeping toad and shouts-

"What am I doing here?"

Jaken was in the midst of a beautiful when he was forcefully awakened. Even if he had been fully conscious, he wouldn't have told her out of spite. As it was the only thing he could say was the odd warbling exhalation people make when they are shook.

Sesshoumaru didn't make any physical noise. He almost never did. He was raised by a family of hunters and could easily walk straight up to herd of deer without alerting them. It was how he naturally walked. But, nonetheless (and perhaps even because of), she knew he had emerged. She turned around, Jaken still in her hands, and again shouts-

"You kidnap young girls often?"

"He saved you, wench, and I knew that we would regret that he did the moment you slammed into the ground like a drunken harlot-"

Jaken was cut off by more violent shaking from Kagome. To all this, Sesshoumaru didn't react at all. If you only stared at his face, you couldn't tell at all that he had just been called a foolish pedophile. Kagome would have given a pretty penny to figure out what he was thinking behind that constant inscrutable gaze. Not that she thought that. She hadn't heard the phrase "pretty penny" for years and would have to spend half a second in thought to decipher its meaning. But the gist would be the same.

While Kagome busied herself shaking Jaken, Ah Un leapt out majestically from behind a hill. As she watched the horse demon fly, Jaken seized the opportunity to worm out of her grasp. Jaken ran behind Sesshoumaru, his natural position. Ah Un landed closer to the little girl. Ah Un prodded the young human with its muzzle-covered nose. She sits up, rubs her eyes, yawns, stretches, and gets up.

"Good Morning, Lord Sesshoumaru," she says with a little curtsy.

"And Good Morning Jaken-sama," she say with a smaller curtsy.

"Oh, and Good Morning Ah Un" she says, almost poking Ah's eye when she hugged its face.

"Um, Lord Sesshoumaru, who is that?" she asked looking and pointing at Kagome, who was standing still.

Sesshoumaru ignored this question.

"Um, my lady? What is your name and family crest?" Rin said to Kagome, obviously trying to imitate a half-ignored lesson of etiquette, not even making eye contact but looking up as if the lesson was badly rewritten on the sky.

Kagome had to suppress giggling. As far as she knew, her life was in grave danger of ending. Sesshoumaru was a powerful, murderous, demon apparently willing to kill his own brother in order to become more powerful. But seeing a 6 year old try to act as a courtesan was funny, and there's no funny like life threatening funny.

"My name is Kagome Higurashi," said Kagome.

Sesshoumaru walked past them.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, is Lady Kagome coming with us?" Rin asked. This time it was not a nearly-forgotten lesson in courtesan-ship, but a real and natural gesture of respect that the lesson was supposed to stimulate.

Sesshoumaru said nothing.

Rin turned and beckoned Kagome to follow. Having no other choice but to be stranded in a sea of hills, she did.

Next time on the Kill Chiba show, the happy harmonious fate of The Others, plus what happened to the rest of the cast of Inuyasha.

Coming up next, Face-off! On this episode Godot and guest commentator Management discuss similarities and differences between X-men and Inuyasha and the pros and cons of breaking the fourth wall.


	2. Sango and Miroku's Path

Sango noticed Miroku acting strangely. Several moments pass. Miroku wouldn't stop hitting on a girl he was alone with unless… Then she realized what was happening. She reached for her gas mask and covered his mouth. She didn't know what direction to go in. She chose north, for no reason other than it was a lucky direction. She didn't notice herself get delirious. How does your brain know when it is failing? Miroku noticed. It took several minutes of arguing before she would accept the mask. But the poison was still there. It would take more than a gas mask to heal them. They traded the mask like this for several hours, until Sango collapsed. Miroku put the mask on her face, grabbed her ass, propped her head on his shoulder, and tried to keep walking. Fortunately, they were finally able to walk out of the forest. They collapse about 50 meters out of the forest, Miroku still grabbing her ass.

"A man as to have his principles" says an old demon. He looked more or less human. He was probably 7' tall, carried a massive sword (obviously not a Katana), and was grievously scarred all across his body. The odd thing, as Sango would later say, was that he wasn't ugly. Not good looking, but not what you'd expect from a man that had massive scars and calluses on his hands that would withstand tank fire. Somehow he managed to pull off his look just fine.

That wasn't what Sango thought when she woke up. She clubbed a sleeping Miroku so hard that he stayed asleep. He would be glad. He was having a nice dream, and Sango was part of it. But so were about 12 others.

"Are you related to Midoriko? You smell like a family member of hers." The old demon asked.

"Who are you? How do you know my family?" Sango retorted.

"More important is that you smell of Inuyasha. I lost his sent in that forest, and my servants started to die so I left. Where is Inuyasha?" asked the old Demon.

"We were separated in the forest. Why do you look for him?" asked Sango readying her weapon in case this was a trick set by Naraku.

"I am Blaine, the Scarred Teacher. I teach the sons and grandsons and now great-grandsons of Hokkashido, Inuyasha's Great-Grandfather and the late emperor of the Western Empire. Inuyasha is 68 in two months. That is when he begins his schooling. So relax your weapon, unless of course you mean to avenge someone then by all means remove it." Blaine explained.

"Who do I have to avenge… that you killed?" Sango asked prepping for a fight even more.

"I don't know. You demon hunters tend to have that kind of luck, and I have the luck to be on the receiving end," said Blaine.

Sango was beset by two questions. The first was meaningless and she forced it out of her mind as soon as it entered. It was "Can I beat him?" The answer being, of course, "If there's a fight, there's a fight." The second was both important and unknown. The question being "Is he telling the truth?" She hadn't known Naraku to be this subtle with minions, usually when he had a detachment, he sent it to war. But still, a simple ruse wouldn't be above or below him. She decided to take a chance and put up Hiraikotsu.

"That's a good girl. So how is Hiraikotsu? You know I killed those demons. I cut a bloody swath through a small army. Then Midoriko, before she got famous, waltz in and shoots me with an arrow. I later learned that that year's crops had died because of all the blood. I don't brag because they were blood zombies. They were in my way and refused to yield. So, anyway, I'm here shot with a holy arrow. And it hurts, one of the most painful things I've ever felt. So I draw my sword, and I run over. I went ballistic and got about 8 more arrows on the way over. Then she draws her sword, which a slice in half, and then I grab her. Big mistake. Her magic starts working. Bam! I fall down. It wasn't like being on fire, I've been light on fire several times, it was much worse. So I'm bleeding and I can barely see. I aim at her, the leftmost one out of about seven, and just through a punch. I knock down a barn, collapse, and pass out. You listening?" says Blaine.

"Yes, yes. I was just wondering when you got lit on fire?" Sango asked.

"Many times. I got hurt a lot when I was a Janissary. I think it is fates way of getting back at me for escaping being neutered. And I survived, that's always nice. I've also eaten everything under the sun. We used to call bird droppings 'salt' and rat droppings 'pepper'. After marching 200 miles in full armor and fighting an army, you didn't turn down any food or sleep that you could get. But enough about me, my lady, after 20,000 years you grow tired of your own story," says Blaine.

"Twenty thousand years! I'm afraid I don't have a story to match that," said Sango.

By this point they had sat down in the shade of an apple tree. It was an odd apple tree, apart from the forest as if to say, "Forest, I don't need no stinking forest." Blaine had laid Miroku on the tree. Blain had grown up a slave/soldier but has spent thousands of years in a palace and etiquette was as second nature as a drunken fight with a dragon. That last one, as he would be the first to say, was a far too common situation for him.

"Length of years is not an assurance of a good story. I have done a lot and happen to have one. But you, traveling with a lecherous monk and a half-demon, must have a good story. Tell me, my lady, how you came across Hiraikotsu or better yet; tell me your story, the whole story," said Blaine.

She opened her mouth to say no, but instead the story of her life poured out. Every last detail wanted to pour out, from her first memories of being held by her dad, to how they got into the poisoned forest (The Poisoned Forest as it would later be called). Blaine listened. It was an interesting story, but one he had heard before. What amazed him was her story telling. He thought of the castle historian telling tall tales to the young nobles. As the story went on she became more visibly unstable, until after a half-hour she burst into tears. Blaine didn't know what to do. Even if he had a lot of experience with crying women (which he didn't) all women emote differently. He called this "what the hell do I do now." She got up, excused herself and left. He looked at the passed out Miroku.

"From the look of your face, I wish I was you right now," said Blaine.

Miroku didn't wake up until the next morning. When he did he was all alone in a plain. When he finally saw Sango, she was talking with some old dude. Finally she took out Hiraikotsu and tried to hit him with it. It was at this point that Miroku realized he was a demon, and a powerful one. He just grabbed Hiraikotsu and ripped it out of her hands. Miroku ran towards them, threw a paper scroll at him, and jumped to hit him with the staff. He never connected. He was smashed in the stomach with a nice haymaker from Blaine.

Next time on the Kill Chiba show, More on The Others wonderful life, plus what befell Shippo and Kirara.

Coming up next Face-off! On this episode Godot and guest commentator the Doctor (Doctor? Doctor Who?) discuss whether Sesshoumaru is really evil, plus the pros and cons of hiring the A-Team


	3. Shippo and Kirara's Path

Shippo and Kirara knew they were in danger. That knowledge is paradoxical, because they knew they were in danger, they were in no danger. Shippo climbed on to a transformed Kirara's back and they flew out of the forest.

Not exciting, perhaps, but it kept them alive. And that is the truth.

Now a new problem faced them.

"Where are the others?" said Shippo.

Kirara would have told Shippo that she couldn't talk, but she couldn't talk. In the end they decided to go to Krinsha, the nearest town. They could not, and did not know that this was the direction that brought them directly away from the others. They similarly weren't aware of a certain thunder demon that was living there.

There entrance into town was auspicious, which is not surprising if you've ever seen a Fire/Cat beast descend from the sky and (instead of a monster) a small child jumps off.

"Shippo?" asked Souten.

Like all questions of this nature Souten did not know exactly who she was asking. If you asked her, she would either say she was thinking out loud or get angry and inform you on your own stupidity.

"Souten?" asked Shippo.

Like all questions of this nature Shippo did not know exactly who he was asking. If you asked him, he would either say he was thinking out loud or get angry and inform you on your own stupidity.

"Welcome to Krinsha mighty demon child. We offer you great gifts, of course in return, we ask only that you do not bring your armies against us?" said a high council member in a tone which suggested a fantastic story on Souten's part.

Souten merely smiled with feigned innocence.

A huge feast greeted them and after hours of eating Shippo & Souten finally had a subject to talk about.

"Where did they get this food?" asked Shippo.

"The Others, who are indeed having a wonderful time," assured Souten.

Shippo pondered this unintelligible answer but never quite figured out what she ment.

Next time on the Kill Chiba show, The Others demonstrate there incredible greatness, plus Kagome & Sesshoumaru part II.

Coming up next Face-Off! On this episode Godot and guest commentator Charlie Townsend discuss the difficulty of writing about the least interesting characters in a series, plus the pros and cons of mentioning non-canon and almost unnamed characters in a story.


End file.
